I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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