True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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