Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
