Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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