D3 body, D1 cock
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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