omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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