Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize