Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
