I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize