another moral hangover. fuck.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
