fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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