we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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