He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
