Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
