If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
