oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
