Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
