You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you. Go after that dick
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