I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize