My sheets look like a crime scene.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
