Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My pussy is not your playground.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As shirtless as possible
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
