i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
