I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
