i just google imaged poop.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
