i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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