I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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