i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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