Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
