She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
