batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
