Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He? As in you personified your dick?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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