To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
