She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
