hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the day after is always just damage control
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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