When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
