and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
