so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
