my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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