My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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