i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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