She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
