just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
