The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
