You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize