Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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