FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
