If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
