Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize