Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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