if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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