hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just gift wrapped bread.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
