Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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