Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
