A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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