I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
