Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
