My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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