so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
