Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
