New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
