if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I did not marry a roomba.
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