nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
