I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
