i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My penis needs a shock collar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
