I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
