The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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