We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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