I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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