remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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