winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All the doctor said was why
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
