I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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