You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize