Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
