I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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