Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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