I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
