I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
