I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize