I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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