Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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